ESFJs -
From Conversations with Facilitator Caretakers

The following is adapted from Linda V. Berens and Dario Nardi, The 16 Personality Types: Descriptions for Self-Discovery (Telos Publications, 1999) *Used with permission.

What's it like to be you?

I like to be involved and doing something. Much of my day is keeping contact with a lot of people. That's an important part of my life. I enjoy communicating with people, talking, going places and doing things, watching people and learning from watching. Bringing people together is a real pleasure. Sharing and time spent with friends and family, a special person, is very satisfying. I like to think about other people, and find I feel tremendous pleasure in reading them. When I see someone who just doesn't talk, sometimes I feel maybe they're missing something. I don't have trouble revealing what is very close to me, even with a complete stranger if I feel safe. Sharing confidences is a gift. I will anticipate others' needs.

A perfect day is feeling I've made a difference to someone. No tension, no conflicts, just something I've solved in a way that feels good to the best of the standards I've set for myself.

In my personal life, friends are important, and being a good friend and having good friends I can depend on makes life a pleasure and a joy. Long-lasting friendships or new ones-I generally care about others and they sense that. Maybe I care too much sometimes, but I want to listen to their background and rationale of why they did something. Part of me wants to tell them the answer right away, but sometimes people just want someone to listen. When I have a problem I bounce it off of people I respect and take into account how others involved will be affected. It can be difficult to take a hard line when people are going to be slighted, but sometimes I have to go through a lot of conflict, do what I must, and step on some toes. But I don't like conflict.

It's hard for me to be confrontational, even to the point where I can leave myself in a bad place because I really don't have the nerve to confront someone and say really what I think needs to be said. I tend to skirt the issue, put it off, because I am very aware of hurting people's feelings. But I am not afraid to face a challenge. I will stand up for the rights of others in spite of many obstacles because I believe in justice and helping people. Intolerance and prejudice, people who don't stand by their word or lie to cover up hurting someone else-these raise the hair on the back of my neck. It turns my stomach when people intentionally take advantage of and hurt others. It's not what the person says so much as how it's being said, to the point where I don't hear the message. I want to hear where the person is coming from...

I follow through on my commitments and obligations and believe in honest relationships and honest communication. I admire people who are not afraid to show affection, who are not embarrassed to try things even though they may not be good at them or are willing to make a change in their life, and who stand up for the rights of others and are not afraid to speak out when they feel someone is out of line. Personal growth means listening to myself and thinking about things, putting my priorities in order, and understanding that setbacks are only for today and that I can go on.